25 - 06 - 10

This helps, a bit. It's a bit bent. But I think it's nice. I hope it helps you too. I don't know if I believe in God and all that, I like to think it's all real. I like to think there's someone there to mind you now <3

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard Him call;
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I found that place at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared a laugh, a kiss;
Ah yes, these things, I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much;
Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.

Perhaps my time seems all to brief;
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, He set me free.

I'll always miss you. x

It was over before it began.

fuck this.

The sky above us shoots to kill.

I struggle to believe you could actually be this selfish, yet I know I shouldn't be at all surprised. I can't see how this can ever be better. And with you not realising that you're are infinitely wrong in this situation, I know this is it. I have literally never known a more fickle person. I hate how close you both have grown. I hate how this is spreading, it's fucking cancerous. I hate how I've been replaced. I hate how you've said these exact words yourself, and can't see what a hypocrite you're being. I hate that what I say never fucking matters to you. I hate that for once you can't just see beyond your own fucking happiness. I hate that I believe if you knew what this was doing to me you'd stop, when I know that's complete bollocks. I hate that you still firmly believe you have the upper hand. I hate that this is probably the end. Bye.

I begged you to hear me, there's more than flesh and bones.
Let the dead bury the dead, they will come out in droves.
But take the spade from my hands and fill in the holes you've made.

Post geography bliss.

I literally could not have been luckier with the geography exam paper. Of all the towns in Ireland that could have been chosen for the aerial photograph and OS map extract, it was Carrick. Unbelievable. I think I could actually have done the questions on it from memory. Also, I completely risked that the use of magma to heat water in Iceland was an example of human interaction with the rock cycle. Which I'm beginning to question now. So if anyone knows if that counts, giz a shout. So relieved I never have to do it again.
I also got exceptionally lucky with English, despite panicking that having only studied 4 of the 8 poets, the other 4 might have come up. But I got to do Yeats in the end <3
Maths was a disaster though. If it doesn't redeem itself with paper 2 tomorrow there will be severe consequences. And unpleasant words exchanged between the paper and I.
Can't wait for Oxegen. S'pretty much the highlight of my summer, 25 days to go:
30 Seconds to Mars; Biffy Clyro; Plan B; Fatboy Slim; Scouting for Girls; Republic of Loose; Two Door Cinema Club; The Prodigy; Mumford & Sons; Kids in Glass Houses; Stereophonics and Eminem if he shows. Which he clearly won't, unfortch.

"I can hear through the walls in this place.
voices down the fire-escape; shadows on the stairwell.
No more anecdotes, no more whispered hope.
Take me to the rooftops,
A thousand blind windows stare back at me."

Proper post soon, I promise.

I woke early one day after a restless night
I watched the stars burst and fill the morning sky with light
In my hazy daze I noticed something on my bedroom floor
It was an envelope I don't think I had seen before
I opened with caution and in it did reside
A map and a note that said "join me inside"
I had nothing to do that day outside of my head
So I decided to just follow and see where it led
It led me to a door, I grabbed the handle and used it
Stood before me was the physical embodiment of music
I could barely believe my eyes, she was a sepia goddess
Every contour was perfection yet her demeanour was modest
Even armed with all this beauty she was in no way belittlin'
I'd liken her body to the open riff from Little Wing
Her eyes burned deep with the passion of a nameless chain gang
Lips smart with the vibe of Son of a Preacher Man
She told me how she had evolved over time
We sat in an empty room with just a bed and some wine
We talked for hours about the things she's seen and done but not boastin'
We passed the Zinfandel, raised the glass and just toasting
We had a meeting of minds
She breathed a life in this old brain
She was the milk in my Kahlua
I was the Hartman to her Coltrane
Showed me scars she had acquired each time a genius would depart
Jimi Hendrix on her left hand, Johnny Cash on her heart
Different fingers Mingus, Davis
And her leg scarred for Elvis
Ray Charles on her eyelids
Jim Morrison on her pelvis
Then she asked about me
And my musical stylings
All the things in life I found somewhat inspiring
I paused, the wine making me feel quite cocky
feeling whatever I said she would take in, and not mock me
Said "I'm a wordsmith and artist
I'm deep like the tardist
Every time I aim for something I'm gonna hit the target"
She said "Gangster rap?"
I said "No, but drop the 'g'
You might start to get a better description of me
"Angster rap?" she said
"If it sticks you'll regret that
The most appalling moniker since the dawn of emo rap"

She was a sepia goddess
Yet her demeanour was modest
Her hair was wild like the darkest deepest of forests
Many before me had fallen
at her feet and died
But that night we made a connection and she let me inside

I continue:
Some of these clothes are looking old just like my jaded character
Who thinks an old pro, but sometimes I act like an amateur
This hat's an old classic in the first stage of dilapidation
It's a fair evaluation that its making this equation a little
top heavy if you know what I mean
'cause there's a fine line between a classic and a has-been
As I finished my sentence I noticed the sadness in her eyes
It's moved me, left my mind wondering why
As we laid there she buried her head in my chest
I wrapped my arms around her stroked her with the sweetest caress
I wanted to find the right line to make her sad head lift
Wanted a chance to breathe life back into music like Reggie
Said she'd grown sick
and tired of the same shit
I said if there's anything in the world I can do she should name it
She said sit in public places and quietly observe
All of the speeches mannerisms every action and word
When something inspires me to concentrate on that thing
Get a pen and pad and then produce a vocal offering
She said "Bring the lost art of conversation back
I'm sick to death of awkward silences and all that crap
It's time to talk to one another, share your thoughts and facts
Learn the more of it you give, the more you get right back"
I looked her in the eyes and said I'd do what I could
Then she held my head and kissed me, but not like a lover would
But then, it also wasn't like a close friend or relative
Instead of exciting, it was calming like a spiritual sedative
And then we laid there until I woke in an empty room
If I couldn't still smell her skin I'd be inclined to assume
that I'd dreamt the whole thing but I knew that I hadn't
And I'd seen the perfect balance of beauty and talent
After a moment of reflection I rose to my feet
Opened the door with squinted eyes and stepped back into the street
I kind of staggered home and got out a pen as she'd said
I wrote down my inspiration and here's what it read:

She was a sepia goddess
Yet her demeanour was modest
Her hair was wild like the darkest deepest of forests
Many before me had fallen
at her feet and died
But that night we made a connection and she let me inside

176 hours to go.

Why can't people just fuck off?
There is constantly so much fucking drama.
Uggggggggggggghhhhhh.


:(