Yeah.

"You never talk to me or come see me."
you say that, but yet, when was the last time you came to see me? I remember exactly when it was. 2 and a half years ago. Just because I have a fucking car does not mean I have to be the one to go see you every time. If it's getting to you this much, get off the fucking Internet and come see me yourself.

No matter where you go, you are what you are playa'.
And you can try to change but that's just the top layer,
Man, you was who you was 'fore you got here.

Tumblr? Or is that betrayal?

I want to be good at blogging.
I want to like things that I don't like at the moment.
I want to read more.
I want to cook more.
I want to drink more.
I want to talk more.
I want to be a better friend.
I want to be a good girl.
I want to have more money.
I want to appreciate what I have.
I want to appreciate who I have.
I want to understand more.
I want to know that we're going to be ok.
I want to know what you're thinking, all the time.
I want to be with you more.
I want to have a tumblr.
I want to be good at posting.
I want to be decisive.
I want to be more exciting.
I want to be more open.
I want to prove it.
I want to change.
I want you to see.
I want things to just go right for once.
I want everyone to understand.

I talk to God as much as I talk to Satan

'Cause, I want to hear both sides.
Does that make me cynical?
There are no miracles,
and this is no miraculous life.

Getting there.

It's been one of the worst weeks of my life, and I even feel bad complaining about it, because you weren't my loss. And to those who have lost you, I am genuinely sorry. You've heard this a thousand times, but a thousand and one never hurt anyone. You were my friend, I don't mean that. I just know there are more important people right now. It's all still so surreal. Aside from the tragedy itself, my best friend's face as he walked down the aisle, having to carry his girlfriend was the most horrifying image I have ever encountered, one which will never leave me, try as I may to escape from it. I'm proud of you, just so you know. Most people wouldn't have been able to do it. You stayed strong for her. Because of her. Nothing I can say will make this better. Which is shit, because making you feel better was the one thing I could always do. That's gone now. For how long? I don't know. Not too long, please. This is, after all, our last summer. She'd want us to enjoy it, just like she planned to. This is where we take over. We can fulfil the things she never got to.
Life is short, and often, shortened even further. You don't know when your last day is going to be. Live now, while you can. If someone means something to you, tell them now. However stupid it may be, because you don't know when you'll get another chance to. I'm infinitely sorry you had to be the example for us to live by, but hopefully now we can realise what we have, and learn to make the most of it. Going on, not moving on. Goodbye Ciara <3



This was like the only photo I could find of you alone, which says a lot about how selfless you were, really. Ily.

25 - 06 - 10

This helps, a bit. It's a bit bent. But I think it's nice. I hope it helps you too. I don't know if I believe in God and all that, I like to think it's all real. I like to think there's someone there to mind you now <3

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard Him call;
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I found that place at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared a laugh, a kiss;
Ah yes, these things, I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much;
Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.

Perhaps my time seems all to brief;
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, He set me free.

I'll always miss you. x

It was over before it began.

fuck this.